Learning to give yourself permission to fail is a slow, long process which seems to be learned repeatedly. Maybe you can relate? Over the past several years, probably longer, I have had a hard time giving myself permission to fail even in the small things. I am my own worst enemy, certainly not a friend. The performance and behavior driven need to succeed is indeed real. I have been learning over the last six years about grace. What is grace? Many say it is a doctrine. What does the Bible say about grace? Paul includes it all throughout his epistles, but what exactly is it and how does it help in this Christian life? After studying, listening, failing, and trying again, I am beginning to understand a small glimpse into grace. The question is really, “Who is grace”? You see, grace is a Person – Jesus Christ. Over and over in scripture, whenever grace is administered, Jesus is behind it.
Mark 14:26-31 ESV
“And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. And Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away, for it is written, “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.” But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee”. Peter said to him, “Even though they all fall away, I will not.” And Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” But he said emphatically, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And they all said the same. (Bold emphasizes are mine).
Understanding
I know many of us have read these verses and zero in on the conversation with Peter, but the words before that conversation struck me. Holy Spirit and I have been engaging in several meaningful and life-giving conversations. First, let’s look at the context of these verses. Jesus has met with his disciples to celebrate the Passover and has instituted the Lord’s Supper. He has prepared the disciples for what is to come, even though, they didn’t really understand or get it. Maybe you and I can relate. I think I know how things are going to be, but really have no idea when following Him. Then there are the expectations, but then things go in a totally different way. Maybe the plans you have created, you know this time will work, but once again it doesn’t work or appear to work out how you have it planned.
Once the Lord’s Supper is finished and they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. The next few words Jesus shares with his closest friends is intriguing and worth mulling over. Jesus says to them, “You will all fall away,. . .” What? How would you like to hear those words from one of your closest friends? Not just one of them, but everyone of them will fall away. No one is exempt from these words. What do you do with those words? Then Jesus quotes from Zechariah 13:7, “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.” But . . . “.
BUT
The but is an important connecting word. Yes, these things are going to happen, however, the real truth and what you really need to know is that “after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” The betrayal, the falling away, the accusations, the beatings, the crucifying, what you see is bad, hurtful, and ugly, and after all that, then I will be raised up, and I will go before you to meet up with you. Yes, the circumstances and the hurts and disappoints of unmet expectations will come. And yes, we will fail miserably like the disciples. We will all experience those times, but Jesus is raised up. Jesus is alive and gives new life. He goes before us and is with us. He is not surprised by the failures nor by the lack of belief.
These words spoke encouragement and hope to my frustrated and self-condemning soul. This is a journey and following Him is messy and hard. So, the lesson learned from the disciples and Jesus’ words, give me permission to fail. It is okay, and I will be okay. He’s got me and my life in the palm of his hands. Now, to learn to give those closest to me permission to fail as well.
Jesus grant me your grace to give myself permission to fail. To let myself off my own expectations and hook daily. As I receive your love, mercy, forgiveness, and grace to let it flow out to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thanks for listening,
Dawn